If I was sitting at Starbucks bored listening to Mumfords and Sons I might write something like this while staring at a man's shoes as he read the paper...
"If I was a shoe...
Id hate you.
Id make you trip.
Id give you blisters.
Id untie myself every second.
Id roll in dog poo just so you wouldnt use me.
If I was a sock...
I would never match.
I would bunch up on you.
I would run away from you.
I would leave my soulmate to hide from you.
I would hate your shoe for not being a sandle.
If I were pants...
Id shrink on you.
Id wear out on you.
Id make your gut feel fat.
Id make your butt look fat.
Id give you a plumbers crack.
If I were your underwear...
*blink blink*"
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